Some kind of tragic, cocky freak (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} xseries5494) wrote,@ 2008-03-24 17:32:00 |
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Guardians (FM March)
Alec was freaked out.
There was no better way to put it, especially when it came to his feelings regarding future fatherhood. At night he behaved, put on his bravest face and sat by Grace's side as they did things like thing about names and nurseries and schools. Alec had no idea just how many different things went into having and raising a child. Grace had already practically obsessed over choosing just the right doctor and now they were trying to choose just the right house. It had to be de-leaded and it had to have high secure cabinets so the baby couldn't get in them. Baby proofing an entire house was just the icing on the cake. Alec already knew he wasn't ready for this.
But the truth was, he couldn't help but feel a little excitement at the idea. He'd never known his own father and he couldn't be sure just how much that had screwed him up given all of the other obstacles weighed against his favor. The only thing Alec knew was that both he and Grace hadn't known their fathers growing up and there was no way on earth this baby was going to be lacking either parent. He'd spent nights sitting next to Grace, pouring over materials and toys and cribs. He might have even aimlessly picked up the copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting that Grace had left on the coffee table more than a few times.
It was times like these that Alec knew he was strongest when he was with Grace. She made him a better person. Because when he was with her he felt brave and ready. But it was those moments at night when he was all alone that he felt the fear start to settle in. Grace had her own demons to work through when it came to parenthood and Alec wasn't ready to admit it anyways. Instead he internalized it and let it eat away at his thoughts little by little.
He was still under Manticore's thumb and even though he hadn't heard from Lydecker in a few days he could feel the pressure crushing him. Every move he made was aimed at spying on the slayers whether he wanted it to be or not. Sometimes he found himself making up excuses to go and visit Spike or Faith at school. Standing at the back of the gym with his arms crossed, watching the girls practice. It wasn't sexual, simply observant. If it weren't for Kennedy, Alec would have already asked for a job.
The brighter Alec's nights grew, the darker his days.
Eventually he knew he would have to be willing to do anything to protect his son. If he had to lie, kill and steal to do it, he knew he would.
The first act was to lie. He kept a straight face as he told Grace some fabricated story about he and Spike going on a motorcycle trip for a night. How long would they be gone? Alec calculated how long it would take him to get back from Seattle and how he could factor Spike in that equation. "I'll be back tomorrow night." He told her. She kissed him goodbye with some assurance that she would be keeping her sister company.
The second act was to kill. Getting clearance into Manticore was much easier for Alec than he thought it would be. All he needed to do was put on the right costume and fall into line behind a unit that had been out in the yard doing drills. They didn't even bat an eye at the "new" X2. Getting closer to Central Headquarters where Files & Records were kept, Alec quietly slipped away from the X2s and through the doorway. A guard had been stationed there and Alec didn't think twice about snapping his neck and dropping him to the floor with a quiet thud. He looked around tentatively before heading straight for Lydecker's files.
The third act was to steal. He wasn't exactly sure what he would find. Files and files about slayers and vampires with a strange focus on Nicole. There were files on Angel and Spike and Harry. On Faith and Buffy and Kennedy and all of the teenagers who lived at the school. The meat of the portfolio was, for some reason, entirely fixated on Nicole. Alec barely bat an eye at any of the information held within but mostly he couldn't hide his astonishment at the lack of material on Grace and their unborn son. They didn't appear to know about Alec's son but there was also a length file on a man named Dean Winchester. Demon hunter and father of several X5s. Alec frowned wondering whether to trust the information or not. Just to be sure he decided to hide the file under his jacket so he could take it with him. It wouldn't hurt to read it again. And again. And again. Just to be extra sure.
Alec was freaked out.
There was no better way to put it, especially when it came to his feelings regarding future fatherhood. At night he behaved, put on his bravest face and sat by Grace's side as they did things like thing about names and nurseries and schools. Alec had no idea just how many different things went into having and raising a child. Grace had already practically obsessed over choosing just the right doctor and now they were trying to choose just the right house. It had to be de-leaded and it had to have high secure cabinets so the baby couldn't get in them. Baby proofing an entire house was just the icing on the cake. Alec already knew he wasn't ready for this.
But the truth was, he couldn't help but feel a little excitement at the idea. He'd never known his own father and he couldn't be sure just how much that had screwed him up given all of the other obstacles weighed against his favor. The only thing Alec knew was that both he and Grace hadn't known their fathers growing up and there was no way on earth this baby was going to be lacking either parent. He'd spent nights sitting next to Grace, pouring over materials and toys and cribs. He might have even aimlessly picked up the copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting that Grace had left on the coffee table more than a few times.
It was times like these that Alec knew he was strongest when he was with Grace. She made him a better person. Because when he was with her he felt brave and ready. But it was those moments at night when he was all alone that he felt the fear start to settle in. Grace had her own demons to work through when it came to parenthood and Alec wasn't ready to admit it anyways. Instead he internalized it and let it eat away at his thoughts little by little.
He was still under Manticore's thumb and even though he hadn't heard from Lydecker in a few days he could feel the pressure crushing him. Every move he made was aimed at spying on the slayers whether he wanted it to be or not. Sometimes he found himself making up excuses to go and visit Spike or Faith at school. Standing at the back of the gym with his arms crossed, watching the girls practice. It wasn't sexual, simply observant. If it weren't for Kennedy, Alec would have already asked for a job.
The brighter Alec's nights grew, the darker his days.
Eventually he knew he would have to be willing to do anything to protect his son. If he had to lie, kill and steal to do it, he knew he would.
The first act was to lie. He kept a straight face as he told Grace some fabricated story about he and Spike going on a motorcycle trip for a night. How long would they be gone? Alec calculated how long it would take him to get back from Seattle and how he could factor Spike in that equation. "I'll be back tomorrow night." He told her. She kissed him goodbye with some assurance that she would be keeping her sister company.
The second act was to kill. Getting clearance into Manticore was much easier for Alec than he thought it would be. All he needed to do was put on the right costume and fall into line behind a unit that had been out in the yard doing drills. They didn't even bat an eye at the "new" X2. Getting closer to Central Headquarters where Files & Records were kept, Alec quietly slipped away from the X2s and through the doorway. A guard had been stationed there and Alec didn't think twice about snapping his neck and dropping him to the floor with a quiet thud. He looked around tentatively before heading straight for Lydecker's files.
The third act was to steal. He wasn't exactly sure what he would find. Files and files about slayers and vampires with a strange focus on Nicole. There were files on Angel and Spike and Harry. On Faith and Buffy and Kennedy and all of the teenagers who lived at the school. The meat of the portfolio was, for some reason, entirely fixated on Nicole. Alec barely bat an eye at any of the information held within but mostly he couldn't hide his astonishment at the lack of material on Grace and their unborn son. They didn't appear to know about Alec's son but there was also a length file on a man named Dean Winchester. Demon hunter and father of several X5s. Alec frowned wondering whether to trust the information or not. Just to be sure he decided to hide the file under his jacket so he could take it with him. It wouldn't hurt to read it again. And again. And again. Just to be extra sure.
