It's where I'm from that lets them think I'm a whore

Guardians (FM March)

2008-03-24T22:27:51Z

Alec was freaked out.

There was no better way to put it, especially when it came to his feelings regarding future fatherhood. At night he behaved, put on his bravest face and sat by Grace's side as they did things like thing about names and nurseries and schools. Alec had no idea just how many different things went into having and raising a child. Grace had already practically obsessed over choosing just the right doctor and now they were trying to choose just the right house. It had to be de-leaded and it had to have high secure cabinets so the baby couldn't get in them. Baby proofing an entire house was just the icing on the cake. Alec already knew he wasn't ready for this.

But the truth was, he couldn't help but feel a little excitement at the idea. He'd never known his own father and he couldn't be sure just how much that had screwed him up given all of the other obstacles weighed against his favor. The only thing Alec knew was that both he and Grace hadn't known their fathers growing up and there was no way on earth this baby was going to be lacking either parent. He'd spent nights sitting next to Grace, pouring over materials and toys and cribs. He might have even aimlessly picked up the copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting that Grace had left on the coffee table more than a few times.

It was times like these that Alec knew he was strongest when he was with Grace. She made him a better person. Because when he was with her he felt brave and ready. But it was those moments at night when he was all alone that he felt the fear start to settle in. Grace had her own demons to work through when it came to parenthood and Alec wasn't ready to admit it anyways. Instead he internalized it and let it eat away at his thoughts little by little.

He was still under Manticore's thumb and even though he hadn't heard from Lydecker in a few days he could feel the pressure crushing him. Every move he made was aimed at spying on the slayers whether he wanted it to be or not. Sometimes he found himself making up excuses to go and visit Spike or Faith at school. Standing at the back of the gym with his arms crossed, watching the girls practice. It wasn't sexual, simply observant. If it weren't for Kennedy, Alec would have already asked for a job.

The brighter Alec's nights grew, the darker his days.

Eventually he knew he would have to be willing to do anything to protect his son. If he had to lie, kill and steal to do it, he knew he would.

The first act was to lie. He kept a straight face as he told Grace some fabricated story about he and Spike going on a motorcycle trip for a night. How long would they be gone? Alec calculated how long it would take him to get back from Seattle and how he could factor Spike in that equation. "I'll be back tomorrow night." He told her. She kissed him goodbye with some assurance that she would be keeping her sister company.

The second act was to kill. Getting clearance into Manticore was much easier for Alec than he thought it would be. All he needed to do was put on the right costume and fall into line behind a unit that had been out in the yard doing drills. They didn't even bat an eye at the "new" X2. Getting closer to Central Headquarters where Files & Records were kept, Alec quietly slipped away from the X2s and through the doorway. A guard had been stationed there and Alec didn't think twice about snapping his neck and dropping him to the floor with a quiet thud. He looked around tentatively before heading straight for Lydecker's files.

The third act was to steal. He wasn't exactly sure what he would find. Files and files about slayers and vampires with a strange focus on Nicole. There were files on Angel and Spike and Harry. On Faith and Buffy and Kennedy and all of the teenagers who lived at the school. The meat of the portfolio was, for some reason, entirely fixated on Nicole. Alec barely bat an eye at any of the information held within but mostly he couldn't hide his astonishment at the lack of material on Grace and their unborn son. They didn't appear to know about Alec's son but there was also a length file on a man named Dean Winchester. Demon hunter and father of several X5s. Alec frowned wondering whether to trust the information or not. Just to be sure he decided to hide the file under his jacket so he could take it with him. It wouldn't hurt to read it again. And again. And again. Just to be extra sure.

xseries5494 @ 2008-02-28T20:41:00

2008-02-29T01:43:49Z

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
2. Go to http://images.google.com and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results -- don't tell me the word.
4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.

I don't want to be old and sleep alone (backdated to Valentine's Day)

2008-02-15T23:38:50Z

I stayed with Grace most of the time she was in the hospital but we didn't talk too much. At least, not about us or anything. We mostly just talked about kids, throwin' names around and stuff like that. I was already feeling better about the whole dad thing now that I knew I was gonna have a son and not a daughter. No offense to girls or anything but the idea of dealing with things like boyfriends and bras and tampons kind of makes me wanna run screamin' for the hills. Boys are much better. We could play catch or something, I could show him how to ride a motorcycle when he got old enough. Alright. Maybe scratch that last part. I had the feeling that Grace wouldn't really like the idea of me teaching our son how to ride a motorcycle.

When she was released from the hospital she went straight for the Hyperion with her sister. I couldn't exactly blame her for that and I knew that at least, Faith and Harry would keep a good eye on her. Plus, I was living right across the street still ~~and I'm known to be a little big of a stalker from time to time~~. I knew she was okay, and as long as there was that than I was okay, right? That was the whole point of running away in the first place.

Speaking of, good ol' Alec got himself in a bit of hot water with that little number I pulled. Lydecker and his posse wasn't exactly thrilled that I took off in the middle of a mission but I explained to them that the war was in full swing and I'd changed my mind. They were gonna win it. And hey, look at me, I was right. Donald was a dick about it but I don't really expect anything less from the guy. So here I am, back to my original mission. Operation Slayer Spying. Easy enough except for the fact that none of the slayers were really speaking to me. Sometimes Buffy would swing through when I was hanging out with Spike but that was really as good as it got these days.

It was all that I could do to keep Grace and Max off of Manticore's radar. The last thing I wanted was for Max to get pissed at me. Nicole is bitchy but she ain't got nothing on Max. So when Max came by to offer me a job as a bouncer at the bar she was working at I had to turn her down. It was a lot easier when I got a load of Droopy Forehead skulking around behind her. Zack. Wow, I missed that guy. Except, not really. Plus, he gave me an even bigger reasons to keep my whole little Manticore deal a secret and keep Max out of it. I really didn't want the guy ripping my head clean off my neck anytime ever.

No job, no girl, no real life. Just a guy, his bike, his beer, and Spike hanging around every night. Buffy was really putting her foot down about how much time Spike and I were spending out every night drinking and doing our guy thing so she was making him stay home cause Valentine's Day is some kind of girly holiday. She didn't even back down when I gave her the puppy face that chick's all fall for.

"You want my advice, Alec?" She said to me last night when I was standing in her kitchen. "Go and win your girlfriend back, because I'm not sharing my boyfriend with you."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know. It's Valentine's Day. Go and buy her flowers, show her that she's special. In other words? Don't be you." She smiled at me, in that mean way that bitchy little blonde slayers do. Right before she closed the door in my face.

I hated to admit it, but Blondie was right. I needed to win my girl back before Kennedy wised up and tried to do it for me. There were ways to keep her and my son away from Manticore, right? I'd find one.

I'd just approached the Hyperion when I heard a dark snickering from the shadows. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was laughing at me when I saw the ember of a lit cigarette before my eyes focused in on Faith.

"What? I'm trying." I said, frustrated as I walked over to her.

"I know you are." She said, her voice almost sympathetic for a quick second. "Flowers, huh? You really fucked up."

"Yep, sure did. Is Grace here?"

"Yeah, she's in her room I think."

"Great. See ya, Faith." I muttered as I headed for the door.

"Hey, Alec." She called to me, forcing me to pause and turn around to look at her. "Take it from someone's who's made a living fucking things up. Try just...I dunno. Apologizing."

I stared at her for a minute before the corner of my mouth turned up into a slight smirk. "You slayers are all full of advice these days. Didn't figure you for a bunch of romantics."

"Y'know what they say. 'Tis the season." She shrugged. "Whatever that means." She tossed her cigarette away and I heard the crunch of the ground beneath her boot as she put it out. "Good luck."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Heading inside I was surprised to see that the whole place was pretty quiet. Surprising, but I didn't really care. I went straight for Grace's door and knocked. In the moment it took for her to open the door I took stock of the situation. Here I was, wearing somewhat nice clothes and carrying an armful of flowers.

I am a giant tool.

Stolen from Sassy the Slayer

2008-02-14T06:38:20Z

Life is a Soundtrack
Rules:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie.

Opening Credits:

Six Feet Under by No Doubt

Waking Up:

I'm Your Villain by Franz Ferdinand

First Day At School:

Born a Rebel by Tom Petty

Playtime/Childhood:

Missing by Evanescence

Falling In Love:

Space Between by Dave Matthews Band

Fight Song:

Time Is Running Out by Muse

Breaking Up:

Meet Your Master by Nine Inch Nails

Prom:

I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones

Life's OK:

Lips of an Angel by Hinder

Mental Breakdown:

High Hopes by Pink Floyd

Driving:

Subterranean Homesick Alien by Radiohead

Flashback:

Sad, But Endearingly So by Say Hi To Your Mom

Getting Back Together:

Don't Take Your Love Away by VAST

Wedding:

So Contagious by Acceptance

Birth of Child:

Goodbye Apathy by One Republic

Final Battle:

Big Balls by ACDC

Death Scene:

Wasted Time by Fuel

Funeral Song:

Oh What A Night by Wyclef Jean

End Credits:

Smile Like Your Mean It by The Killers

Stolen from Nicole

2008-02-07T19:54:01Z

Warning: By posting this up you are subjecting yourself to other peoples tastes in music. First rule of Play List is do not get offended by the music people share with you. Your cup of tea is could be someone else's leafy water.
Warning: By posting this up should be willing to seek out the same meme on your friends list and give them some music too!

01. How it works: Place this post up in your journal.
02. Fellow friends list members [and their writers too] are to then in turn comment to your post with music.
03. Said music is shared via an upload that you can download, or a link to lyrics for the connection challenged that reminds them of you.
04. When you comment leave the song title and artist in the subject line so that if someone else thought of the same song they don't have to send it to you again, ;)
05. With enough people and enough variety of songs you should end up with a lovely playlist inspired by those that know you pretty well. [or so you hope]

War (FM Feb) Try to do it right this time around

2008-01-26T20:27:00Z

I couldn't stop thinking about her. I'd gone on half a dozen missions since I went back to Manticore and a part of me just stopped working. Nicole might joke that my brain never worked but she's just a bitch. It was a gift, the ability to just shut off that part of myself, the part of me that could turn a blind eye to the pile of bodies I'd left in my wake, all in the name of Manticore. Oh yeah, did I mention mission is actually a code word for "assassination"? I stopped thinking about it, feeling it, everything just stopped. I wasn't human anymore, just another soldier.

That was until I got the phone call. I'd stopped listening to messages a week after I left. Because I couldn't stand to hear another word from Nicole, Faith, Fred, any of them. They didn't understand. They couldn't. They'd hate me until they died and that was fine. I'd stopped feeling that too. And eventually, they stopped calling. Which was the reason I'd even listened to the voicemail in the first place. Not even any of them but her. Her voice was waking up parts of me that had gone numb and silent weeks before. She sounded scared.

It was enough to jar me back to reality, to make me slip away from my unit on another outside mission. Before I could think about it, before I could think of the consequences I'd stolen a motorcycle and was heading down the highway to California, just hoping that I wouldn't be too late.

As luck would have it, I was right on time. Faith didn't exactly look happy to see me and I couldn't even get a glance from Grace but at least they were letting me help. In fact, Connor seemed relieved that I was around because he instantly split the girls up into two groups. One following him and one following me. Hey, I always wanted an army of girls to follow me around but I'd never actually pictured that happening with a giant dragon burning holy hell down on us.

"Damn." I muttered when it got so close for a second that I swear I could feel the the hairs on my arm singe a little bit.

This time was different. It was another mission, and we were killing demons but it wasn't exactly an assassination. More like a war and the stakes were the mother of my child inside the building going up against her evil asshole of a dad. If Faith weren't in there with her I'd say fuck the mini slayers and go after them. I tried to keep a special eye on Tyler cause I just liked the kid but he was on Connor's side. Although after a while the sides melded together and we were all just fighting for our lives.

Honestly, it was just kind of easy at first. The demons weren't hard to kill, I was snapping necks at every interval but there was just so damn many of them. Once you killed one, ten more would appear each one bigger and uglier than the last one. That didn't even include the freakin' dragon flying above us. What exactly were we gonna do about that?

After I'd gone through more demons than I could count I stopped proactively fighting and started keeping my eye on the slayers. Anytime one of them got backed into a corner I tried to help them out. The problem was, there was just too damn many of them. I saw Fred fall and I tried to make my way over to her but one of the mini brats had her back and killed the demon who was about to do Fred and Connor both in. Shit. Connor was down for the count too. In fact, everywhere I looked there were unconscious and dead bodies. There's always casualties in war, right? As long as we fucking win I guess I might be able to accept that.

And as long as my son and his mother were okay. Glancing up I saw the building start to shake and implode.

"Grace." I said as I watched it start to come down. Using my speed, the thing that Max liked to call 'blurring' I hurried inside the building determined to find her.

When there is nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire (FM Jan Topic)

2008-01-06T02:38:47Z

"Ignorant men don't know what good they hold in their hands until they've flung it away". -Sophocles

"Why have you abandoned your post, 494? I gave you strict instructions to watch the slayers. That means you've disobeyed direct orders. Am I right, 494?" Lydecker asked me as he walked back and forth in the abandoned parking garage in front of me like the pompous prick that he was.

"Yes, sir."

"If I didn't know any better I would say you've returned to your former ways, soldier." He said as he stopped right in front of me and looked down his nose at me. I really wanted to tell him that in the future he's dead but I wisely kept my mouth shut.

"Permission to speak freely, sir."

Lydecker nodded at me. "Granted."

"I believe our operative was compromised so I abandoned my post in order to regroup and contact you. Wolfram and Hart is a powerful entity that shows loyalty to no one, not even it's own family. I believe that the slayers have made an enemy of them and will soon be eviscerated." I hoped to God that what I was saying wasn't actually true, but it was definitely believable which was why I was tellin' it to Lydecker.

He was now studying my face like he thought I might be lying to him. But he wasn't a stupid guy, just an evil one. He knew that it was possible and that Wolfram and Hart were evil badasses that you didn't want to mess with.

"Alright, 494. We'll halt the project for now. Return to headquarters and you'll receive your briefing in the morning." He told me and for as much as I had dreaded those words coming from his mouth I didn't argue with him or try to run like I might have if there wasn't so much at stake. Instead I got into the back of the truck and settled in for a long ride back to Manticore.

By sunrise I was back to living in a small cell with the door locked up tight. Only a small window lead to a view of the dim lit hallway outside. I had to sit and wait for them to brief me but I had the feeling that after that? I'd be back in the same small cell, and probably for the rest of my life. You know, when I wasn't out spying and killing for Manticore. Now I had nothing but time to kill and thoughts of Grace to occupy the lonely hours.

I guess it was better than the alternative. The one where my kid ends up getting locked down and who the hell knows what they would do with Grace. At least I had a good life for a little while. The truth was, I was meant to be here anyways.

And who knows? Maybe Max would come and bust me out again. She's got a habit of doing that.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why- Wrath (FM December Topic)

2007-12-02T20:19:04Z

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine." I said sourly before I took another drink of the beer I'd been nursing for most of the night. Grace had gone out somewhere and I needed to blow off a little steam from all the drama running rampant through LA. Here I was, tryin' to have a good time when drama just happened to follow me inside and order up a drink of her own.

"Don't be like that, Alec." Her voice was soft and demure but I could see that mischievous little twinkle in her eyes. If I didn't know any better I would say nothing had ever changed.

"What do you want, Lexi?"

"Maybe I just missed you." She grinned at me and pressed herself closer until I could feel teenage breasts brushing up against my arm. Yeah, okay that needed to stop right now before I got myself into trouble here.

"Oh yeah?" I asked her, turning around so I could look down at her. "That's interesting. Cause I know a lot of people who are missing you. The normal, bratty, teenage not so fangy you. More with the shopping, less with the bloodsucking." I clarified.

She only smiled at me, that kind of shit eating grin that could make a guy real uncomfortable but I was bound and determined not to let her get to me like they all said she would. I just never thought she'd come looking for me. I figured she would be too busy tormenting her family.

"C'mon, Alec. Don't you wanna see what I can do now?" She asked me sweetly and I only rolled my eyes before turning back to the bartender.

Setting my half filled beer down on the bar I smiled at the bartender and pointed at Lexi. "I'm all set. You can put that on her tab."

With that I turned around and started walking away towards the doorway. I hadn't been given any instructions from Faith or Harry about Alexia other than to keep her the hell away from Tyler, which I had been doing. So now I guess I was just left to my own devices to figure out how to deal with her if she wanted to try and get under my skin.

"You know I'm here to help you." A voice from behind me stopped me in my tracks as I made my way outside of the bar. Turning around with an arched eyebrow I glanced over at Alexia.

"Help me? I'm not the one who needs help. Cause you see, me? I'm doing just fine." My smirk matched hers as I took a few more careful steps closer to her. If she thought she could intimidate me she had another thing coming to her. "Now your brother, your parents and friends? They could use a little bit of help but I doubt you'd be interested in helping them anymore."

"Tsk tsk. It's not nice to scold. I'm not your responsibility anymore."

"No. No you're really not." I agreed with her as I turned to walk away from her again.

I didn't make it very far before I felt small fingers gripping my arm. She whirled me around and my back slammed up against the wall as she pressed herself into me. But this time she wasn't wearing her usual face, she was wearing her vampire one. I studied her for a minute. I'd never really seen a vampire face this up close and personal before. I had never seen Harry's or Angel's and when Spike did it it was usually mid fight when I couldn't pay too much attention to it. She looked like a monster, but I had seen a lot of monsters in the basement of Manticore. She really didn't scare me that much.

"What do you want, Lexi?"

"I want you to answer one question. Where's your girlfriend tonight?" She asked and as she did her face returned to it's normal state.

That was a good question. Where was my girlfriend tonight? She could be at work, or she could be with her sister or one of her friends. "I'm not her babysitter." I pointed out.

"Really? Neither am I but I know where she is, who she's with...." Her smirk stayed devious but for mine was wiped clean as I glared down at her. With that I shoved her away from me hard and smoothed my shirt again.

"It's not my business."

"So my dear Aunt fucking Kennedy is none of your business?" She asked, her voice still sweet, trying so hard to be innocent as she looked up at me.

"She's with Kennedy?" I felt the air rush out of my lungs and I wasn't real sure what to say about it. My girlfriend hooking up with another hot girl was supposed to be a good thing. If it was any other girl, hell it would be a good thing. Why couldn't she have chosen Buffy or Fred or Nicole or hell, anyone but Kennedy. Because I knew Kennedy wasn't just having some Girls Gone Wild fun. She wanted Grace with her and away from me. "They're just friends."

Alexia didn't look like she believed me. Hell, I didn't believe me.

"You poor thing." Alexia pouted at me, giving me a fake sympathetic look. "You really are in denial. Guess what they're doing right now? They're not thinking about you, I can tell you that."

"You are such a bitch." I pointed out to her and she just shrugged.

"Maybe." She admitted as she stepped closer to me, one little hand flat against my stomach as it moved slowly up to my chest. "But I can make you forget too." She arched an eyebrow at me.

I gripped her wrist hard, so hard that if I put anymore pressure on it the delicate bones underneath would start to snap and pop. "I think you've done enough." I said to her before I pushed her away from me again.

Without another word in her direction I headed down the alleyway unsure of where exactly I was going to go.

I was never loyal except to my own pleasures

2007-10-31T02:21:20Z

I didn't really know what to do after I talked to Tyler. I thought about going after his sister but she wasn't really.....well, I guess my problem anymore. I knew Lexi thought, she was bound to be everyone's problem and when the time came I'd man up just like everyone else but for now? I'm on retirement. The Osborns had paid me well and that meant I could afford to take some time off. Hell, if times got tough I could always resort back to cat burglary. Employment is so overrated.

Considering my first assignment and I'd let the kid get killed, or worse probably meant that my career as private security was long over. Now all I could do was wait around for the fallout and try to give the Osborns some space. I'd left Gracie a message on her voicemail and told her I was sorry and that I'd be around if she needed me but she never called me back. I assumed that by then she'd found out and had herself locked away and hard at work at Wolfram and Hart trying to figure out how to save her niece.

Being unemployed was kind of boring. Lydecker kept callin' me up, telling me I needed to get more info for him and I knew the guy could probably just come down here and haul me back off to Manticore anytime he damn well pleased but I wasn't sweating it right now. None of Lexi's family members had called and I wasn't about to make plans with Spike these days just so I could spy on him and his girlfriend for Lydecker.

Eh. Maybe eventually I'd go back to work and try to look out for Tyler but I needed some time too. Maybe I wasn't actually part of the family but it was gonna be weird without Brat Number Two around. At least, not in the way that she used to be. Everybody's gotta have some time to adjust. Even old Alec.

I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and started walking back towards the couch when I saw a familiar brunette walk in through my front door. Well, at least she remembered where I lived.

"Hi." I said to her cause I wasn't real sure what else to say.

(Grace...)

Caught you so take cover

2007-10-22T23:48:23Z

What the hell was Faith’s problem? The kids didn’t go to school for another few hours and she was already bitchin’ to me on the phone. By that time I figured out that it was Sunday anyways, my day off. I figured PMS had kicked in or something so I was gonna have to go over there and tell the princess that it was my damn day off. It didn’t take me long to get showered and changed before I was on my bike heading over to the Osborn’s house. Things were so much easier when everyone just lived at the hotel across the street. Sometimes I saw the big broody guy going inside and Fred, but I hardly ever saw any of the Osborns over there anymore. They just gotta make my life difficult.

Once I got there and let myself in I just knew something was wrong. The place felt empty, it was the only thing I could think of to describe it.

“Faith!” I called out, but no one answered me and once I went into the kitchen I saw her cellphone laying on the floor in pieces. Cursing under my breath I headed up the stairs and peeked into the kids’ rooms. Both rooms were a mess, it looked like someone had ransacked the place but it didn’t look like they’d stolen anything valuable. What kind of shitty thief was that? The kind that wasn’t a thief at all.

Faith and Harry’s room on the top floor was untouched, and that made me worry more. I mean, a thief would have definitely knocked over the master bedroom. Pulling my cellphone out I called Lexi’s cellphone first but only got her voicemail. I would have left a message but that girl was more unreasonable than her mother and her aunts put together. Instead I called Tyler’s cellphone and sighed in frustration when I got his voicemail too.

“Hey brat. It’s me. Look, your mom called me up this morning having a hissy fit about finding you. So it’s my day off, normally I’d be out riding my bike or watching the game, or drinking some beers or hey, even spending time with your aunt but now I have to come find your ass. Why don’t you do your old buddy Alec a favor and just call me back and tell me where you are.” I said before I snapped the phone shut. Damn kids.

It took me almost twelve hours of riding around the damn city until I found them. I’d called Visa over and over again pretending to be Harry. Luckily for me I had a photographic memory so I had his social security number memorized and the rest was easy. People bent over backwards for people like Harry and I used it to my full advantage as I sweet talked the girl on the phone at Visa into telling me where the last credit card charge was. All I had to do was convince her that someone had stolen my son’s credit card and ask where the last charge was made. Some hotel….in San Diego.

So much for hanging out with Grace. By now it was Monday anyways and I guess technically not my day off so I was supposed to be working anyways. Faith better be damn ready to pay me some overtime for tracking her kid down. I’d already found her at the Hyperion. She’d been asleep when I swept through there looking for Lily who was also apparently missing. I didn’t even have to ask Angel, because well, because I’m pretty sure he hates me. So I just avoided him. Nothing like a little B&E to round out the day.

It only took me an hour to get to San Diego and when I parked my bike out on the beach I realized Tyler was sitting in the sand not all that far away from me. Well, that made things easier. Making sure my bike was set, I walked down the beach towards him and only stopped when he looked up at me.

“Dude, if you run? You know I’ll catch ya.” I warned him with a smirk. “What the hell’s goin’ on?”

It's the end of the world what do you do? (Nov. FM Topic)

2007-10-19T11:51:34Z

Noureen DeWulf
Mía Maestro
Yunjin Kim
Kim Kardashian
Shanna Moakler
Second Life Girl
Kelly Carlson
Christina Milian
Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Isla Fisher
Salma Hayek
Haylie Duff
Raquel Alessi
Padma Lakshmi
Michelle Trachtenberg
Kelly Ripa
Some chick named Kerry
Ivanka Trump
Dita Von Teese
Emmanuelle Chriqui
Abbie Cornish
Adrianne Palicki
Joss Stone
Hilarie Burton
Diora Baird
April Scott
Tara Conner
Mena Suvari
Ciara
Willa Ford
Stacy Keibler
Danica Patrick
Evangeline Lily
Gabrielle Union
Joanna Krupa
Autumn Reeser
Lena Headley
Bianca Kajlich
Danneel Harris
Nadine Velazquez
Jessica White
Jamie-Lynn Sigler
Penelope Cruz
Tricia Helfer
Michele Merkin
Halle Berry
Missy Peregrym
Adriana Lima
Kate Walsh
Alessandra Ambrosio
Cristina Dumitru
Mischa Barton
Mandy Moore
Katharine McPhee
Kristen Bell
Bar Regaeli
Rose McGowan
Kate Mara
Minka Kelly
Jessica Simpson
Moon Bloodgood
~~Rachel Bilson~~
Shakira
Ashley Olsen
Jaime King
Jennifer Garner
Vanessa Minnillo
Roselyn Sanchez
Lacey Chabert
Amy Smart
Rebecca Romijn
Sarah Silverman
Carmen Electra
Kate Hudson
Nelly Furtado
Elisha Cuthbert
Sophia Bush
Hilary Duff
Nicole Scherzinger
Kate Beckinsale
Keira Knightley
Cameron Diaz
Megan Fox
Maria Sharapova
Ashlee Simpson
Avril Lavigne
Katherine Heigl
Beyonce
Angelina Jolie
Sienna Miller
Fergie
Eva Longoria
Rihanna
Eva Mendes
Ali Larter
Jessica Biel
Christina Aguilera
Scarlett Johansson
~~Jessica Alba~~
Lindsay Lohan

I’m just kidding, Gracie. Love you, baby. ~~Please don’t kill me.~~

And yeah, I pretty much just stole this list from Maxim’s Hot 100 list. What? They’ve got good taste over at that magazine. Maybe I should look into getting a job. I think I’d make a great photographer.

Okay. I’m gonna stop before Grace Lockhart (always number one on my top one hundred) really does kill me.

Trapped in a room with my worst enemy (FM October Topic)

2007-10-05T20:36:56Z

Every inch of training comes back to Alec easily. It's almost as if he's only breathing, all of that data floating around in his mind so easy to reach out and snatch a piece of it. Logistics, weapons, psychology, independence in the line of battle. Alec's fighting a war, but his opponent is the man who personally guided him, trained him, brainwashed him, maybe in some twisted ways even loved him. Donald Lydecker is more father to Alec than anyone else has ever been and Alec easily uses that to his advantage. It's important in combat to know your enemy, to size them and assess their weaknesses. That's the only reason Lydecker is in this room with him instead of James. Alec can't find James' weaknesses.

Lydecker could do a lot of things to Alec and he would accept it as if accepting the act of breathing. For as long as he can remember Manticore, Lydecker was the only thing that Alec knew. If he were Lydecker's only target Lydecker wouldn't be trapped in this room either. But there's a line to be crossed and messing around with Grace and the rest of the Osborn family is more than Alec can take. He's not in line for a repeat of the Berrisford situation. This time Alec's head is screwed on straight, but Lydecker's head? Well, it's kind of lopsided now, like it wants to fall off.

Alec isn't an animal. He's slow and he's methodical as he takes Lydecker apart piece by painful piece. He revels in the gasps and the screams, enjoys the undeniable agony written across Lydecker's face.

When the door is finally opened nothing remains of Donald Lydecker. Nothing but a beaten bloodied corpse bound to a chair, mouth twisted open in a silent scream.

Track #6 Night Drive muse_bsides/fandom_muses

2007-09-19T21:23:49Z

Muse: Alec
Fandom: Dark Angel
Artist: The All-American Rejects
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1035

Alec can't think. He can't breathe. It doesn't matter that he's genetically programmed to negate basic human functions such as sleeping and breathing, Alec in his heart has always been more human than anything else and now it's screaming at him. Screaming to slam on the gas full throttle forwards. Destination? Away. If only there was some place on Earth, some refuge or sanctuary from the thoughts nibbling away at the back of his mind. Alec knows there isn't and that's why he's been driving in circle on the interstate for seven hours.

"Welcome back, 494. You've been gone for a long time. Even longer from this end with White's abilities to transport you back in time. Reindoctrination won't be easy."

"It never is."

"It never is....."

"Sir."

He yanks on the throttle, pushing the motorcycle to it's limits as he passes underneath underneath bridge on the California coastline. If he would only stop going in circles he's positive he can be in Seattle by daybreak. Even more sure that he can set Manticore ablaze just in time for the escapees to have lunch in the free world. Enjoy it while you can, boys and girls. The Pulse is just around the corner, he can't help but think wryly. Soon everything they enjoy, amenities like hot water would be a distant pipe dream. If Harry could manage to hold onto the Osborn fortune he might have a chance at living the good life post-Pulse but Alec doesn't count on anything when it comes to the Osborn Family.

"Who is this?" Lydecker asks as he taps on a screen and Alec can't help but shy away from the image of a beautiful brunette smiling back at him. "Who is it?" He repeats.

"Her name is Rachel, sir."

"No, 494. Who is she?"

"She was a mission, sir. Operation Berrisford. Target was Robert Berrisford, her father." He repeats mechanically, just as they've taught him to do.

He wonders idly if Rachel is still in Seattle. If she would even bother to look at him now. Their one reunion was bittersweet and Alec hates the day that he left town to go see her, hates the day he left her to go back to Grace even more. His heart belongs to Grace Lockhart but he knows that Rachel Berrisford will always be the dark shadow haunting him.

He sits in silence, fingers gripping the arms of the chair, knuckles turned white because damn, this hurt. He thinks about Max as the images flash before his eyes and he doesn't know if it's of his own will or because they want him to think about her. The word "traitor" flashes repeatedly across the screen in front of his peeled open eyes and he has his answer. Max, Logan, Rachel, Grace, Faith, Harry, Lexi, Tyler, Nicole, Spike, Buffy- he sees their smiling faces one after another surrounded by blood. Blood smeared on their faces, smeared on their hands. He knows more about their pasts, or their fabricated by Manticore pasts than he's ever wanted to know. He can't shut his eyes, but he wants to so bad.

"What have we learned today, 494?"

"Traitors should be stopped at all costs, sir."

"Excellent. Soon you'll be ready for outside operatives but we need to make certain that you are indeed ready. What do you think about that?"

"I think that sounds like a fine plan, sir."

There's no bars in the outside world, just the ones that hold a man's soul in place. That keep him from becoming the animal, the monster that he could become. Alec knows he's not a man, he's a soldier but on the inside the bars surrounding him feel like they might close in on him at any moment. Luckily for him, transgenics supposedly possess no soul. An abomination of God, a freak- Alec's heard it all before. He never believed in it before he met the devil, before he laid eyes on Grace's father. Before Grace, God didn't even exist.

They've left him alone for days, weeks even with no food and no water. Soldiers are meant to endure extreme circumstances but Alec still feels a bit dazed. They tell him it's no wonder, he's been tainted by the dirty and diseased outside world. It's made him soft, it's made him a man.

"Have you ever heard of the Initiative, 494?"

"No, sir. I have not."

"They're a government organization working closely with Manticore to rid the world of it's more....undesirable elements. The Slayer compromises that, your new friends compromise that. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. We've installed a surveillance system, programmed directly into your hardware, your DNA. The test runs look promising. I think you're ready for your first outside operation. Are you ready, 494?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's good to hear. Plans are being made as we speak between Lockhart and her associates at Wolfram and Hart. 452 I expect will be here soon. We have no doubts she will come to your aid. Your mission is to collect as much information on her and your new friends as possible. Do you understand your mission?"

"Yes, sir."

"For now you go back to your cell and wait."

Every day Alec curses opportunity, the moment in which he knew that Grace was calling on every resource she had to undo Lydecker. The chance was there to take and Max of all people stopped her. This nightmare could be over but Max was set on prolonging it. Alec can't breathe as he hears the radio in the pouch at his side start beeping. Reluctantly he pulls over to the side of the road and pulls the device free.

"Do you copy, 494? Are you there?" Lydecker's gravel like voice travels harshly over the sound waves as Alec finally brings it up to his mouth and pushes the button.

"Yes, sir. I copy."

(OOC note- so yeah no clue where that came from but once I started writing it I just rolled with it. I know it will most likely eventually effect a bunch of people so I hope that's cool with you all. You know how I love a twist!)

Write about one of your sexual fantasies (FM September Topic)

2007-09-08T01:15:00Z

//this is so locked not even Grace with her superfreak empath abilities will ever be able to break in unless she breaks in and thinks its a good idea and then by all means....//

I've had a few beers and I'm home from the bars after a long night of drinking with Spike and staring at strippers. All I wanna do is get into bed with my sexy girlfriend and snuggle up with her for the night. When I get home she's not in bed but in the kitchen baking me muffins. They're delicious so I eat like three of them before heading off to bed still a little buzzed from all of the alcohol Spike and I drank.

Grace asks if I mind if she invites a friend over. She's all pouty and cute and giving me that look that she gives me so of course I say sure. I'm a nice guy like that. She changes into this sexy little number that's all lacy and sheer and I'm about to have my second round of desert when her "friend" rings the doorbell. Grace tells me she's going to be right back.

A minute later and she's back and right behind her is Nicole wearing these tight little jeans and a top that practically makes her boobs fall right out over the top of it. Grace asks if I would mind if she and Nicole made out for a little while. No, I wouldn't mind at all. In fact, I lay back in bed with my arms folded behind my back and watch as my girlfriend kisses Nicole. A lot. Their hands running over the length of each other's bodies as they make out and I'm hard as a rock in bed as I watch Grace tug on Nicole's long blond hair.

After about twenty minutes of watching the two of them make out they both crawl into bed. Nicole asks if there's room for one more and oh boy, is there.

Afterwards they ask me if I would mind if they invited Buffy over too.

I'm so glad I have a king size bed but even if I didn't? I wouldn't say no.

Soundtrack for muse_bsides/fandom_muses

2007-08-28T20:18:08Z

Artist: The All-American Rejects
Album: Move Along

1. Dirty Little Secret
2. Stab My Back
3. Move Along
4. It Ends Tonight
5. Change Your Mind
6. Night Drive
7. 11:11 P.M.
8. Dance Inside
9. Top Of The World
10. Straitjacket Feeling
11. I'm Waiting
12. Can't Take It
13. Kiss Yourself Goodbye

Dirty Little Secret

Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you`ll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know

When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
find out games you don't wanna play
you are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Who has to know
The way she feels inside (inside)
Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)
These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)
And now I try to lie
It's eating me apart
Trace this life out

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret

Who has to know?
Mark has to know

Stab My Back

Now we’re broken on the floor,
She just wants me to share her.
It hasn’t been this way before,
She just wants me to dare her.

The phone rings (The phone rings),
And she screams:
"Stab my back again,
It’s better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
There never was enough to do."

I can’t get past her,
Falling faster,
It's true.
It hasn’t done a lot for you.

And every time he held you close,
Yeah, were you thinking of me?
Just when I needed you the most,
Well I hope that you’re happy.

The phone rings (The phone rings),
When she screams:
"Stab my back again,
It’s better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
There never was enough to do."

I can’t get past her,
Falling faster,
It's true.
It’s better when I bleed for you.

[INSTRUMENTAL SOLO]

I hope that love he gave you,
Was just enough to save you.
You nearly broke my heart,
Just look at what you’re tearing apart!

Stab my back again,
It’s better when I bleed for you.
Walk on me,
There never was enough to do.

I can’t get past her,
Falling faster,
It's true.
It hasn’t done a lot for you.

It’s better when I bleed for you.
It never was enough to do.
It hasn’t done a lot for you.

Move Along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

It Ends Tonight

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
Your finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]

On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight
won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when your blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

[Chorus x2]

Tonight
Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight

Change Your Mind

Don't solve the problem,
when danger is bitter.
Far away you stock them,
in cages and teather

And all bridges you've burned,
leave you trapped off at all sides.
And now the tables do turn,
and it's all gone, what's left for you.

[Chorus]
And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear i'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fastroad.

It's just your doubt that binds you.
Just drop those thoughts behind you, now.
Change your mind.
Let go too soon.

Sit down, you're sinking,
there's no one to watch you.
Skip town, you're thinking,
there's no one to stop you.

And all the bridges you've burned,
leave you trapped off at all sides.
And now the tables do turn,
and it's all gone, what's left for you.

[Chorus]

Don't run away,
Start feeling fine.
It's better than your worst, worst day.
No words to say, I'll give you mine,
and pocket all the hurt, just stay.
Don't run away.
It's better than your worst, worst day.

And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear i'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fastroad.

[Chorus]

Don't run away.
Change your mind.
Let go too soon.

Night Drive

I know you
So better than the city in the rear view
I drive to
Eliminate the ball that I'm chained to

Take me, break me
Every mile further there's a part of me that slips away
One day youâ€™ll see
Even if you got down on your knees
You couldnâ€™t make me stay

Drive all night
Never gonna get me
Night by night
To get away from it all
Fight, fight, fight
All you wanna do is hurt me
You wrecked my life
So Iâ€™m gonna have to drive all night

Pulse stay strong
Iâ€™m pushing on the pedal til I break dawn
So Iâ€™m gone
Go find another shoulder you can cry on

Take me break me
Every mile further thereâ€™s a part of me that slips away
One day youâ€™ll see
Even if you got down on your knees you couldnâ€™t make me stay

Drive all night
Never gonna get me
Night by night
To get away from it all
Fight, fight, fight
All you wanna do is hurt me
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night (ooh)
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night (ooh)
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night

All of the things that you knew that Iâ€™d try
All of the things that I held inside
All I gotta do is drive

Drive all night
Never gonna get me
Night by night
To get away from it all
Fight, fight, fight
All you wanna do is hurt me
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night
You wrecked my life
So I'm gonna have to drive all night.

11:11 PM

All the windows,
Swear to miss you,
And the doors are cell block tight,
Sweet sedation,
Sweep the issues,
And the clocks about to strike
Did it call you down,
Are you back just yet,
Waiting now please come set me free,
And the only sound is a minute left.

This could be, this could be the last time

It's a chance to fix mistakes,
One more for the last time,
Don't you throw our dreams away,
Don't waste this chance with your smile
10 seconds left on this dial,
This could be the last time.

Along the staircase,
I dream to hear you,
In a whisper quiet room,
Space for thinking,
Space to scream to,
But the echoes sound like you,
Not the stars at night,
In a pitch black sky,
I don't know just wants to see you
But the time is right and it only flies

This could be, this could be the last time

It's a chance to fix mistakes,
One more for the last time,
Don't you throw our dreams away,
Don't waste this chance with your smile
10 seconds left on this dial,
This could be the last time.

It's only us,
It's only now,
A simple wish,
It's only tonight.

This could be the last time,
Now I've made our last mistake
One more for the last time,
And you throw our dreams away, (This could be, this could be)
Don't waste this chance with your smile (This could be, this could be)
10 seconds left on this dial, (This could be, this could be)
This could be the last time. (This could be, this could be)
It's only us,
It's only now,
It's only tonight.

Dance Inside

you dont have to move, you don't have to speak
lips for biting.
you're staring me down, a glance makes me weak
eyes for striking
now im twisting up when i'm twisted with you
brush so lightly
and time trickles down, and i'm breathing for two
squeeze so tightly.
i'll be fine, you'll be fine.
this moment seems so long
don't waste now, precious time
we'll dance inside the song

CHORUS
what makes the one to shake you down?
each touch belongs to each new sound
say now you want to shake me too
move down to me, slip into you

she sinks in her mind as she sheds through her skin
touch like taste like fire
hands to know what i no longer defend
hands to fuel desire
i'll be fine, you'll be fine
this moment seems so long
don't waste now, precious time
we'll dance inside the song

CHORUS

Ooo, ah
Ooo, ah
Ooo, ah
Ooo, ah (x 2)

and i'll be fine, you'll be fine
is this fine? im not fine
give me pieces, give me things to stay awake

Top of the World

Is there anybody out there?
That wakes up with a bitter taste?
Itâ€™s a king that we put up there
And he's a short way to fall from grace
It's slowly filling upward.
You can stand but you have no ground.
I hear it from the lost words.
They say its time that you lost your crown.

[Chorus]
Donâ€™t be so greedy.
A dollar's a penny to you
When hearts are beating
Say what you want 'em to do.
Wasting away... I see you.
When the top of the world falls on you
Finally a day, donâ€™t wanna be you.
When the top of the world falls on you

[Verse 2]
Is there anybody out there?
That can see what a man can change?
Itâ€™s better that you donâ€™t care
Because he knows that he's in his state
I feel the paranoia.
When thereâ€™s a time, put you in your place
In the eyes of those who watch'ya
Well they can wait 'til you hit your face

[Chorus]
Donâ€™t be so greedy.
A dollar's a penny to you
When hearts are beating
Say what you want 'em to do.
Wasting away... I see you.
When the top of the world falls on you
Finally a day, donâ€™t wanna be you.
When the top of the world falls on you

Paint yourself a picture
When you waste another picture
And you win, And you win, and you win
Paint yourself a picture
And then you break another picture
And you win, And you win, and you win
And you win, And you win, and you win

[Chorus x2]
Donâ€™t be so greedy
A dollarâ€™s a penny to you
When hearts stop beating
Say what you what 'em to do
Wasting away... I see you
When the top of the world falls on you
Finding a day, donâ€™t wanna be you
When the top of the world falls on you

Straightjacket Feeling

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell,
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be,
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again,

but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again,

but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

I'm Waiting

One question what can't be done
You tear me down with the same thing
There's nothing the end, it's begun
What can you do when it all drains

Down there, you go always
See if I care faded
Down, don't you know where I'll be
'Cuz I'm here, on my own

Waiting, when I'm waiting
(don't you know)
I've been here before, and I don't care where I'm going
So I'll stay...

When you walk don't leave a note
Just put your hands on the back door
When you talk it's just a joke
Just know, I can't take it anymore

Down there, you go always
See if I care faded
Down, don't you know where I'll be
'Cuz I'm here, on my own

Waiting, when I'm waiting
(don't you know)
I've been here before, and I don't care where I'm going
So I'll be, waiting (waiting)
When I'm waiting (don't you know)
I'll tell you once more
That, as long as you're gone

Then I'll stay...
Outside there's no place I can hide
And your "down time"
Is anything but right
When the winds rise
This storm won't subside
You'll be outside
I'm in here and I'll guard

Waiting, when I'm waiting
(don't you know)
I've been here before, and I don't care where I'm going
So I'll be, waiting (waiting)
When I'm waiting (don't you know)
I'll tell you once more
That, as long as you're gone

Then I'll stay...
Then I'll stay
Then I'll stay
And you'll go then I'll stay
Stay...

Can't Take It

You speak to me
I know this will be temporary
You ask to leave,
but I can tell you that I've had enough

I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Step up to me
I know that you've got something buried
I'll set you free
You set conditions, but I've had enough

I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Come back home, won't you come back home?
You step in line, you got a lot to prove
It comes and goes
Yeah, it comes and goes
A step in time, yeah it's a lot to move
I know this will be temporary
I know this will be temporary
I know this will be, but I've had enough

I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Kiss Yourself Goodbye

Blank face little girl
Your colors running down
It’s the one you love
Cry out my world, this copulated kiss
It’s the last that you deserve

I’ve done wrong
I’ve been gone
It’s the one you love
Drink down and your candles burn
Away, away

Dreaming you, is so easy, yeah
If it was up to me, then you would cry tonight
If it was up to you

Take you, take me
I can’t go with you now
Don’t you wish I’d try
Left just a trace, it's growing colder still
So kiss yourself goodbye

I’ve done wrong
I’ve been gone
It’s the one you love
One drink and your candles burn
Away, away

Dreaming you, is so easy, yeah
If it was up to me, then you would cry tonight
When it's up to you, you kiss yourself goodbye

Let go, push your daisies
A thousand maybes, a thousand left I'm done
A white glow, just for tasting
A life for wasting (it’s the one you love)
And I look into your eyes, it's the one you love

Last one then I fill you up today, today
How can you sleep
When dreaming you, is so easy, yeah
If it was up to me, then you would cry tonight
When its up to you, you kiss yourself goodbye
You would cry tonight (yeah)
So kiss yourself goodbye (yeah)
You would cry tonight (yeah)
So kiss yourself goodbye

Love hurts (FM Topics)

2007-08-21T00:09:30Z

*locked*

I've listened to this same stupid song over and over again and I know that I'm supposed to take it as a message or something but I don't know what to do with it. First of all, it's not really my cup of tea. I like something with a little beat to it, something I could maybe dance to or better yet watch someone else dance to. This is straight up chick music and yeah ok I'm listening to the lyrics and they're nice and making me want to go and see Grace but I can't do that. Mostly because if I go over there we all know I'm just going to stalk her like a freak and not actually talk to her because I'm supposed to be mad at her for being such a bitch to me. I'm mad....so mad. Really mad and that's why I'm missing her to death.

I should go over there. But what if she's with another guy? No. Grace wouldn't do that. That Kennedy girl though, Grace would do that. Grace has probably done that! Not that I have any complaints about a little girl on girl action but maybe Grace could pick someone a little hotter and taller and blonder and less hostile. That's just my personal preferance. And I'm the one she keeps accusing of cheating on her even though I've never done a damn thing to make her think that. Just because I enjoy watching girls strip down and dance doesn't mean I'm gonna take them home with me. How come Spike gets away with that and I can't?

Maybe I should see if Buffy would talk to Grace? Hmmm. Buffy and Grace. See? Now that's more my speed.

I know I have to do something, I can't just keep bitching to Nicole about it. She's probably tired of hearing about it even though I have heard my fair share of complaints about that Dean guy. Still, the less me and Nicole actually talk to each other the better we usually get along.

I broke up with her and I don't have a lot of experience with relationships but isn't this the part where I head out for the rebound sex? Because if so I think I'm overdue and well, I'm me and there could potentially be a lot of lucky ladies in this city. But instead I'm just sitting here at the computer feeling sorry for myself.

xseries5494 @ 2007-08-18T21:21:00

2007-08-19T04:22:12Z

xseries5494 @ 2007-07-26T20:24:00

2007-07-27T03:25:17Z

Give me three names of people, any three people. Famous, friends, Idon't care. Just list the three and I'll tell you which one I'll Marry,which one I'll Kill, and which one I'll Fuck.

Losing my virginity (FM June Topic)

2007-07-03T22:25:16Z

I lost my virginity to a hooker with a heart of gold.

Yep, I'm serious. Go ahead and laugh it up, kids but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. You see, back at Manticore I was supposed to be getting laid. In fact, they had a breeding program and everything but wouldn't you know it? I get stuck with Max as my breeding partner. No sex for Alec. Actually I'm pretty sure she tried to kick me in the junk when I informed her why I was in her bunk. She told me that was the only kind of physical contact I was gonna see from her. Really, it just warms your heart, doesn't it? Logan might go in for that kind of foreplay but I like my girls a little less violent. Call me old-fashioned. That's not really the point though. The point is when I lost my virginity, not when I didn't lose it. Where was I? Right, the hooker...

I didn't know a lot about the outside world. Yeah, I'd been on a few solo missions, undercover stuff but as far as what I knew? It wasn't a lot. I didn't even know what a prostitute was until I had sex with one. Hey, she was pretty and willing to touch me in all the right places and the only thing she wanted in return was money. I could appreciate ethics like that, so I figured what was the harm in it? I'm still not sure why it was wrong, or why it's so bad to go and see strippers. If I want to pay girls to take their clothes off, that's just business right? Their business is my pleasure.

Yeah, whatever. I know some of you girls are gonna get your panties all in a wad over it but I don't see why it's so wrong. I mean, these are very nice, hard-working girls. They're probably paying their way through law school or something and I'm just giving them a hand ~~sometimes two if they ask nicely~~. I don't see the harm in that. And I'm glad I lost my virginity the way that I did. She was a fine lady and she taught me a lot of things. In my book there's nothing wrong with that.

Art (FM June Topic)

2007-06-17T22:46:16Z

I once had this friend, Joshua back in Seattle. He wasn't exactly what you'd call a real social kinda guy. He wasn't really a guy at all, which was why he wasn't so social. Max thought all of the freaks in Seattle were gonna get hunted down sooner or later so she made Joshua go underground. Gotta feel bad for Dog Boy once in awhile always getting stuck up in Sandeman's old digs. Anyways, he was a nice kid and one day he painted some picture and told me I could have it if I wanted it. I snagged it cause I thought the frame might be worth some dough but as it turns out this crazy lady at some art museum thought Joshua was the second coming.

I might have taken advantage of it a little while but it wasn't like Joshua could go and sell his own paintings, so I had to be like his agent. Agents don't work for free so I got a big cut of whatever Joshua was selling. Art might have gotten me in trouble too when Joshua and I accidentally used Max's papers in his painting. Apparently those pieces of junk were important, and had something to do with her and Logan.

Joshua couldn't paint forever but he made me some cash while he was. Sometimes I miss the big guy, he was a pretty decent roommate.

Daily routine (FM May)

2007-05-02T03:25:40Z

My daily routine used to be a lot easier to pinpoint. I'd wake up in the morning, grab some coffee and maybe read the paper in my underwear. After that I'd shower and get dressed before heading across the street to the hotel where the chaos never ended. But if memory served correctly, it used to be a good kind of chaos. Like Harry shouting punk lyrics at the top of his lungs, or Faith yelling at the kids to eat their breakfast and make sure that they had their homework. Connor breaking something and Cordelia bitching at someone over the phone. I'd finally get the brats herded up and into the car before we went to school. From there on, it was pretty boring for a few hours. I'd stand around and look important and wait for the Osborns to get done with classes only for them to drag out the afternoon with their friends. ~~Although some of Lexi's friends? Sup. Why didn't Manticore have Catholic school?~~. I'd finally get them home and settled in for the night with their parents before I'd head back over to my apartment. Then I'd watch something on the tube. Usually football or hockey but I get really into those teen soaps too, I can't help it and I blame Spike. After sports were over I'd get dressed and head over to the bar, sometimes alone or sometimes with Spike or whoever else happened to pop up. Then there would be strippers. Yep, lots of strippers. Then I would come home to my hottie girlfriend (way hotter than any stripper could ever be) and get lucky. A lot.

I miss my old routine.

If you were accused of murder, who would you have tesitify for your character?

2007-04-21T21:07:52Z

Screw testifying. Honestly, who the hell's gonna take one for Team Alec? I'm not even sure if Gracie could get up on the stand and honestly talk about how upstanding my character is. She would probably try for me but I don't think she's much of a liar, she's too good for that. So I would never let her do it anyways. Harry could probably tell a convincing lie or two and I think he'd probably be pretty good in front of a jury anyway. Unless it has something to do with Wolfram and Hart, then he'll probably ask me to shoot him again. Lexi, Nicole or Faith might do okay but it would depend on their mood, and it would be just my luck to have them on the stand while they're PMSing or something. I guess that means Tyler would have to do it, I'm sure the kid would have a few nice things to say about his old buddy Alec. Right?

Not that it matters, cause like I said? Screw testifying. And trust me, I've been there. I was accused of murder once before. Now here's the kicker, I'm not saying that I'm perfect, I've messed a lot of things up but I got nothing on my clone, Ben. That guy was seriously sick business and also the reason why I had to play labrat for months on end and then later on the reason why I got arrested.

To make a long story less long and way less boring I'll just say that I really thought I was gonna get hit up for everything Ben had done. The last thing I wanted was to end up behind bars again and wouldn't you know it, Max comes riding to my rescue one more time. She didn't exactly testify which his probably good cause she would definitely fit into the Lexi, Nicole and Faith category from above. Instead she played Master of Disguise and pretended to be my lawyer before she helped me break out.

The moral of the story is this. Who needs character when you have friends like Max?

.....

2007-04-01T03:23:31Z

xseries5494's LJ stalker is ny_city_boy!

ny_city_boy is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also getting with your significant other!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

PSA: Nicole is a bitch

2007-03-21T20:14:46Z

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) What is not_a_prophecy's favorite game? Annoy the fuck out of Alec
2) Is freddles friends with icant_saveme? Fred is way too nice so probably
3) Where would deanwinchester most like to visit? No idea.
4) Is neverbeenfree dead sexy? Yep
5) Would you ever date osborn_heiress? Heh. I value my life. So no
6) Where did you first meet neverbeenfree? At the Hyperion when she hit me
7) Does willywannabite drink? Like a fish
8) Would deanwinchester and osborn_heiress look good together? Umm.....
9) Would willywannabite and not_a_prophecy make a good couple? UMMM.....
10) What is cordys_bitch's shoe size? No idea.
11) What flavor of jello would freddles be? Lime
12) Does icant_saveme go to your school? No. Thank God. Miss the outfit though
13) Has myflaweddesign dyed their hair? Probably
14) Which president would not_a_prophecy be likely to idolize? .....?
15) Is wickedbuff a high school student? Nope
16) Does neverbeenfree have a big secret? She has a lot of big secrets I bet.
17) What is willywannabite's favorite band/artist? Sex Pistols
18) Does osborn_heiress smoke? Not that I've ever seen
19) Is mr_angel an emo? Emo isn't a strong enough word for that one
20) What exotic animal would mr_angel like as a pet? They're freaky over at that hotel, I can't even guess
21) What would you do if you found out freddles has a crush on you? Sup Fred
22) Could you see deanwinchester and wickedbuff together? Sure.
23) What video game does wickedbuff remind you of? Resident Evil, not the zombies, the hot ass kicking girls
24) Where was cordys_bitch born? No clue
25) What color should visiongirl dye their hair? I like it the way it is
26) What is chosenpotential's favorite color? Green. Heh
27) What is mr_angel's biggest flaw? That caveman forehead probably
28) How tall is freddles? Perfect size
29) If iwasfading and mr_angel were spliced together, what would it be like? Scary
30) Is deanwinchester your best friend? Nope. He's my evil twin. Like one isn't enough
31) If myflaweddesign took over the world, who would be happy? She would be, that's for sure. And all of her little do gooding freak friends.
32) What would not_a_prophecy do differently in your shoes? Everything I'm sure.
33) If chosenpotential were hanging off a cliff, what would cordys_bitch do? Help her up.
34) Have you flirted with osborn_heiress? .....no
35) What comic book character would freddles be? Wonder Woman
36) Is icant_saveme 1337? 1337 what? Endless hours of torment? Sure
37) When did you last call weighted_sorrow? This morning
38) Would you wrestle freddles in jello? Sure would
39) What rank would osborn_heiress have in a giant robot army? Dictator
40) Do wickedbuff and freddles go to the same school? I don't think so
41) If cordys_bitch was a superhero, who would be his/her archnemesis? Heh. I dunno
42) Do you have a crush on osborn_heiress? ....stop with the Lexi questions already
43) One thing you can't stand about neverbeenfree? The serious mood swing problem
44) What word best describes freddles? Nice
45) What is mr_angel's favorite food? Blood
46) Would you set up deanwinchester and freddles? Sure
47) Thoughts on not_a_prophecy? He's a good kid.
48) Is weighted_sorrow related to freddles? No
49) What animal does chosenpotential remind you of? A bunny
50) One quality you find attractive in visiongirl? Heh. Sup Cordy
51) Have you ever dated osborn_heiress? ........
52) If visiongirl commanded an army, who would be his/her followers? Anybody with eyeballs
53) What animal should cordys_bitch be combined with? lion
54) Is chosenpotential single? Dunno, don't care
55) Would willywannabite go out with visiongirl? Probably. Who wouldn't?
56) Are myflaweddesign and not_a_prophecy going out? NO!
57) Does neverbeenfree do drugs? Yes
58) Does not_a_prophecy travel a lot? Yes
59) If mr_angel took over the world, who would suffer? Spike probably
60) Is mr_angel a college student? No
61) How would icant_saveme kill freddles? Annoying her to death
62) Is osborn_heiress related to you? No
63) If iwasfading and freddles were siamese twins where would they be joined? Heh. Heh. Heh.
64) Does chosenpotential know freddles? Probably
65) How long have you known myflaweddesign? Long enough
66) Is chosenpotential in a relationship? Who cares?
67) What languages does deanwinchester speak? English
68) What would wickedbuff give osborn_heiress for his/her birthday? A pony? I don't know
69) Does visiongirl have a dog? No
70) How long would myflaweddesign dating weighted_sorrow last? ............happy...place
71) Which of your friends should freddles go out with? Cordelia. Heh
72) Is chosenpotential a nerd? Yes
73) What do you agree with iwasfading about? Probably nothing
74) What is deanwinchester allergic to? No idea
75) Did neverbeenfree break up with you? No
76) Would you make out with wickedbuff? I would....if Spike and Grace wouldn't kill me
77) Do you think weighted_sorrow is hot? The hottest girl in Los Angeles
78) If iwasfading had a superpower, what would it be? She has some already
79) What mental disorder does deanwinchester remind you of? Mental disorder? Uhh no
80) How many monkeys could myflaweddesign fight at once and win against? A whole zoo of them
81) Is deanwinchester athletic? Yes
82) If weighted_sorrow and freddles were spliced together, what would be its name? Pretty
83) Would neverbeenfree be a better ninja or pirate? Ninja
84) What planet should mr_angel be from? Do they have a planet called Psycho Land?
85) deanwinchester's hair color? Brown?
86) What do you disagree with willywannabite about? Not much.
87) Are freddles and not_a_prophecy going steady? No way.
88) Is icant_saveme popular? With masochists probably.
89) Do you have osborn_heiress's screenname? Yep
90) Does visiongirl have a crush on myflaweddesign? .....could she?
91) Are not_a_prophecy and chosenpotential married? No. Eww
92) Has freddles been to your house/dorm? Yes
93) Where was iwasfading born? No idea
94) Is neverbeenfree introverted or extroverted? Depends on her mood.
95) What would weighted_sorrow think of freddles? That she was nice probably.
96) How would freddles conquer the world? stealing everyone's crayons
97) neverbeenfree's eye color? brown
98) What would you do if deanwinchester died? Not much
99) What is iwasfading's favorite movie? No idea
100) What song/movie would you recommend to cordys_bitch? Star Wars. Go watch it and tell me what's it about.

xseries5494 @ 2007-03-20T21:11:00

2007-03-21T01:12:13Z

You scored as 0 - The Fool. The Fool is the most complex and most contradictory of all the Tarot cards.
"I am not a number, I am a free man".
The Fool represents naivety and childlike innocence - yet the Fool is wise.
He carries only what possessions he really needs He journeys through life, tasting everything it has to offer then letting it go and moving on.
The Fool is a risk taker, often shown with one foot over a cliff showing us every new beginning has a risk. Whether the Fool represents opportunity or danger one thing is clear: this world needs more fools.

</td>

0 - The Fool

100%

XIX: The Sun

81%

XV: The Devil

81%

IV - The Emperor

75%

VI: The Lovers

75%

II - The High Priestess

69%

I - Magician

69%

XVI: The Tower

69%

XIII: Death

63%

VIII - Strength

63%

III - The Empress

38%

X - Wheel of Fortune

38%

XI: Justice

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
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